I want to tell you my secret. Sometimes I struggle with self-worth.
I think I have it all together and then something happens and… boom! I’m back to the square one.
I get triggered.
My mind clouds.
I start questioning myself.
It’s a work I’ve been doing on myself for many years. There are less and less triggers each time. But life continuously offers me the opportunities to grow and to heal. It’s like a fire that propagates through the roots. I extinguish burning bushes in one spot, only to see other trees on the horizon catch fire.
It's easy to know intellectually that you’re worthy, to know that your worth is not related to what you do, how you perform, how beautiful you are, and what others think.
It’s more difficult to actually believe it with your whole heart.
What can you do to improve your self-worth? I give you five steps that I’ve been relying on when my self-worthiness issue flares up.
1. Know who you are
You’re a perfect human. Always was. Always are. Always will be.
You were not born broken, or incomplete, as some want us to think.
You’ve been created in the image of God. Or Source Energy. Or Divine Being. Whatever you want to call it.
You are worthy just because you are.
No buts. No whys. You're worthy just because you are a human being.
2. Accept yourself as you are
Everything that has happened in your life brought you to this day, made you who you are here and now. You walk your own path. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Accept yourself as you are now, love yourself and be at peace with it.
3. Be compassionate with yourself
Treat yourself as you would treat a small baby - with love, with tenderness, with care. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you think you made. There are no mistakes in life. You did what you did as well as you knew it then. Don’t be harsh on yourself. You’re inherently good, remember that.
There are no prerequisites for worthiness. - Brené Brown
4. Recognise the patterns of unworthiness
Recognize how the belief that you’re not worthy plays out in your life.
What do you do when you’re self-worth is on the line?
Do you hide or do you show off?
Do you run or do you attack?
Do you try to people please or do you isolate yourself?
Do you strive for perfection or do you slack?
Identify the pattern that plays out in your life. It may be different in different situations. It may depend on your life situation, or on the persons surrounding you at that moment. The key is to notice when the belief gets activated and to observe how you tend to behave.
5. Know that you can change the pattern
When you catch yourself entertaining the belief that you’re not worthy, and you start reacting to it, know that you’re giving your power away. You give it away to the people whose opinion you think determines your worth. You give it away to your to-do list. You give it away to some entity whose approval you seek.
Stop what you’re doing and take a few deep breaths. Connect to your center. Connect to your inner self.
What would your inner self do in this situation? Would it make you work hard to earn someone’s approval or would it tell you to relax? Would it make you appear perfect to the outside world or would it let you be you?
Don’t give your power away to other people or to external circumstances. Decide to take responsibility for your life. Your present and your future are in your own hands. You can do it.
How do you deal with self-worth issues? Share your tips in the comments below!
Such a good read! I think the be compassionate portion is super important and resonates with me. It’s a good reminder to be kind, even to yourself.
Thank you very much, Caitlin! Compassion is so important!